Can words of appreciation cause a friendly divorce?

words-of-appreciationLisa and Steve were struggling in their marriage.  
Each of them were in separate corners.  They had gathered around themselves friends and family who were not only doing nothing to make the situation better, they were making it a hundred times worse!  Each of their groups were just fanning the flame of everything that was wrong with the other and their relationship.  

Lisa had known for quite some time that it wasn’t working out between them. They’d been married for almost fifteen years but were now almost strangers with each other and wanted very different things in life.   
There was so much missing between them in terms of depth of relationship and things in common.  Unfortunately, they hadn’t been able to have children, and rather than find things to do to unite them, they threw themselves into their work. They each had vibrant businesses, and together had a wonderful quality and standard of life.
However, there was no connection between them.

Neither Lisa nor Steve were happy, and their problems seemed so huge and insurmountable that they didn’t have the first clue of how to approach change.  Since they felt they couldn’t deal with the larger issues, they focused on the small and petty.

Lisa often found herself looking for everything that was wrong with Steve, and he naturally obliged by doing the same with her.  So their relationship went downhill incredibly fast.  
Now it was almost to the point of no return.   
There was silent warfare going on between them and whilst they didn’t have children, they had considerable assets that were at stake between them.  
It looked like it was going to be a messy fight.  And they were both poised to hire attorneys and let the fight begin.
But something was gnawing at Lisa.  She didn’t like who she was becoming in this process, and she was finding it difficult to live with herselfThere had to be another way to deal with their problems.
Even though she was angry, she absolutely hated being in this constant state of conflict.  It was extremely unpleasant at every twist and turn to be in this agitated and aggressive mode.  It was impacting everything in her life--her business, her friends, and especially her health.     
One day, Lisa tried to remember what had attracted her to Steve in the first place, way back when.  He had been very attentive, kind, and considerate.  He had always made an effort to make her number one from their very first date and throughout most of their marriage.  There has never been any doubt about that.  
As Lisa remembered this, she felt her heart softening.  She realized that he still had those same great qualities, even though there was no way for him to act on them in the current set of circumstances.   
Lisa clearly didn’t want to stay married to Steve.  There wasn’t enough passion and connection in the relationship to sustain another fifteen months, never mind fifteen years!  However, in her heart of hearts, she also knew they didn’t have to be enemies to part ways.  
The very next day she reached out to Steve and shared with him some wonderful words of appreciation for the amazing husband he had been over the years, and how much she loved him for everything that he had done and been for her.  As she spoke from her heart, she could feel him soften on the phone with her.   
They decided to get together to talk through the divorce between the two of them, because everything had gotten so out of control between their friends, family members, and the attorneys.  
It was indeed an amazing reunion.  They both agreed that, even though it was time to part ways, they still loved each other enough to do so amicably, lovingly, and wishing only the best for each other.
The rest is history between Lisa and Steve.  They let their family and friends know what was going on between them so they could stop treating the other like the enemy.  And they both managed their attorneys so that everything was settled quickly.  They ended up designing an amazing divorce where there was no fight, zero struggle–it was completely amicable.
Can words of appreciation cause a friendly divorce?

The answer is absolutely YES!  And here’s how to do it:

  • Accept that change is afoot. Resisting it only creates more turmoil.
  • Get clear on your ideal outcome.
  • Let go of finding fault with blaming your spouse.
  • Look for what’s good about them—for example, what attracted you to them, and their best qualities.
  • Find the courage to take the high road—Share what you appreciate about them from your heart.

Words of appreciation can be this impactful.  When you remember what’s great about your spouse, and do your best to reconnect with who they really are and who they’ve been for you, you can turn around even a situation as extreme as an impending nasty divorce.  
You might still go through with the divorce, but at least you’ll give each other the opportunity to have it be as peaceful as possible on both sides – without anybody being the enemy – simply by remembering to use words of appreciation.   
This is how powerful language is!  
Is there any relationship that you would like to shift?  Or any situation in your life you would like to transform?  To really have an experience of how amazing you are and what a difference you make, click HERE or go to to take the 21-Day “I AM a Gift to the World” Challenge.

To your magnificence!

Andrea Woolf

‘The Queen of Having It All
Author of Ignite Your Life! How To Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be
Founder of

Co-founder of
Ambassador of Manifest Money,

P.S.  Andrea would love to hear from you!  Use the form below to send in your comment or question.

Article author: Andrea Woolf

Original article source: Can Words of Appreciation Cause a Friendly Divorce?

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