How are relationship problems actually blessings in disguise?

relationship problemsDiane was an emotional wreck.  Things were strained with her husband, Jeff.  He was impatient and critical almost all the time.  At his best, Jeff was aloof and barely communicated, and at his worst he was short tempered and borderline aggressive.  To say the least, things were not going well. 

Diane could not figure out where their relationship had gone wrong.  She looked inward to see if perhaps it was something that she had caused, but could not find an event or a moment that she could connect with being the cause of all this.

The less Diane felt loved by Jeff, the more she turned to food to numb all the emotions that she felt, and the worse her food choices were getting.  It was no wonder that over the last six months she had put on quite a bit of weight. 

So Diane was now beating herself up.  The worse she felt about herself, the more hopeless she was.  She was in a downward spiral that she could not get out of.  She now found herself eating no matter how she felt, whether she felt good or bad about Jeff, herself, or any and all of it.  She was miserable, which added even more tension to their relationship problems.

They had just gone through a week of virtually no communication.  They knew this could not continue for much longer.  Without realizing it, one evening she was like a prickly hedgehog, griping at every little thing.  Jeff got more and more frustrated until he suddenly erupted and coughed up what was bothering him.  He was no longer attracted to her with all the extra weight that she was carrying around.

Jeff had hesitated to say anything about Diane’s weight before because he had no idea how to say it without causing either a world war or a complete rupture in their marriage.  This frustration, combined with his upset about her weight and his anger at how things were going in their relationship had him be much more aggressive than he had planned to be.  So of course, his communication did not go well.

Diane’s feelings were deeply hurt, and she let him know that she needed some time away from him to think through this and figure out what she wanted to do.

She processed all her feelings about what Jeff said.  She could not believe he could be so shallow that he was only focusing on her physical body and not love her for the totality of who she was. 

As she continued to process it all, she started to take a good look at what he had communicated to her, however clumsily.

Diane sensed with every fiber of her being that they were at an important crossroads in their relationship.  She knew that if she didn’t pay attention here and do something about it, she would run the risk of actually losing her husband, who, despite everything, she still loved with all her heart.

So the next day, Diane asked Jeff if he was willing to talk things through with her, and he readily agreed.  She suggested that they create a plan together to help her lose weight. 

Diane was surprised when Jeff heaved a huge sigh of relief.  But at the same time, he wondered why she wanted his help.  As is common in the difference between the sexes, Diane’s preference was to do something about getting back in shape with her husband, and his idea was that she take care of it herself.

Whilst he had not thought that Diane’s getting in shape would involve him, he quickly got the picture that she clearly wanted his support.  Thankfully he was a smart man, and he agreed.  

It made all the difference in the world to her.  Diane and Jeff created their meal plan and exercise routine together, and then stayed on track with each other’s support. 

Diane started to feel better than she had in years.  They were both taking better care of themselves and the weight was falling off them as they kept to their new routine.  Everything was going much better between them.  They suddenly had all this energy and were having fun together again.  They were getting back to being close and snuggly, just like they used to be.

How are relationship problems actually blessings in disguise?  

  • They open your eyes to issues that need to be dealt with.
  • They give you and your partner the opportunity to hear each other and support each other.
  • They give you and your partner the opportunity to step up to solve them together.
  • They give you and your partner the opportunity to learn and grow together.
  • They give you and your partner the opportunity to love your partner in ways that they need to be loved.

As is true so often in life, what can come out of your biggest challenges in relationship problems and otherwise are huge blessings.  They are blessings in disguise while they are still lurking as problems.  The moment that you understand the opportunity that they are creating in your life, that is when you will truly get what blessings they are!

If you are having relationship problems, start by engaging your partner so that he or she is willing to be by your side as you tackle them together.  As you do this, you will discover how they are blessings in your life.  To help you both get even more connected with what’s most important and who you truly are, click HERE or go to http://igniteyourlifebook.com/21daychallenge to take the 21-Day “I AM a Gift to the World” Challenge.  You will absolutely LOVE it, and it is FREE!  Sign up today!

To your magnificence!

Andrea Woolf

‘The Queen of Having It All
Author of Ignite Your Life! How To Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be
Founder of IgniteYourLifeBOOK.com

Co-founder of WakeUpAbundant.com
Ambassador of Manifest Money, HowtoLiveonPurpose.com

P.S.  Andrea would love to hear from you!  Use the form below to send in your comment or question.

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